There’s a certain sadness that comes with birthdays. It’s like the dying of a favourite song, or a sinking helium ballon. This year I wanted to sit with the sadness, and so I turned my phone off and spent the day by myself. There is always so much pressure to have a good day on birthdays and we tend to rely on so heavily on other people for that happiness. They can make or break our day. Perhaps we need them to soothe the yearly reminder of our own mortality, or perhaps it is to validate that our lives bring meaning to the world. Or perhaps it is because birthdays are the one day of the year we are forced to look ourselves in the eye, and we will find anything we can to distract us from that, the same way we will try to find any excuse not to meditate. Can we forgive what we see? More so, can we love?
This year I had a great day celebrating myself - I bought myself balloons, I went to Lorne, and I wore my favourite undies - and in terms of happiness, I am reminded of a quote by Robert Pirsig, who wrote, “The only zen you find on top of the mountain is the zen you bring up there.” The only happiness you find on birthdays is the happiness you bring yourself every other day of the year. And anything else given to you?
Well, that’s just a bonus.
Written 12/2/21